What is Your Sex IQ?

February 26, 2010 by  
Filed under Sex

sex_test_lI continue forward with the topic of sex, which is the last leg of this series on Relationships, Love and Sex.

Yesterday I gave you the history of sex, briefly, and today I offer a test so that you can find out what your sex IQ is.

So let’s get crackin’ on the test. Answers are at the bottom of the page – but no looking until you answer all the questions!

1) The sex lives of our prehistoric ancestors were likely similar to the –
a) Monogamous penguins
b) Promiscuous, no-commitment bonobo chimpanzees
c) Polygamist, harem-loving gorillas

2) Women in ancient Egypt prevented pregnancy with –
a) Plugs made of crocodile droppings
b) Drinks of lemon, milk and ground water lily
c) Offerings to the fertility goddess

3) Proportionally and compared to other primates, human males have –
a) Tiny genitalia
b) Massive genitalia
c) About average

4) Based on artifacts and cave paintings, Ice Age women were likely –
a) Submissive and dragged around by their hair
b) To have sex only to make babies
c) To enjoy sex as much as their male mates

5) In 2005, the average first time for US girls occurred at the age of –
b) 17
c) 20


6) Known aphrodisiacs of the food world include –
a) Chocolate, oysters and spicy foods
b) Oysters, strawberries and turkey
c) Chocolate, figs and zucchini

7) That females have a weaker sex drive than men is –
a) A physical fact
b) A cultural misconception
c) A rumor started in the 1950s

8) The most common sexual problem among men is –
a) Erectile dysfunction
b) Wanting too much
c) Premature ejaculation

9) It is a common misconception that pregnancy can occur –
a) Without male orgasm
b) Without a stork involved
c) From oral sex

10) Whether put to use or not, males produce about –
a) 100 million sperm every day
b) 500 million sperm every year
c) 300 million sperm every day

Now, you can check how you did. If you got:
8-10 correct, you’re a genius
5-7 correct, you’re an intemediate
4-6 correct, you’re a work in progress
1-3 correct, you’re in need of some education
0 correct, oh boy!

Answers 1-b, 2-a, 3-b, 4-c, 5-b, 6-a, 7-b, 8-c, 9-a, 10-c

The History of Sex, Briefly

February 25, 2010 by  
Filed under Sex

birdsandbeesI’ve now turned the spotlight in this series on Relationships, Love and Sex to the topic of sex. Yesterday I looked at sex and marriage, with the provocative idea that marriage can mean the end of sex.

Before I continue further with the topic of sex, I thought it would be good to look at the history of sex, briefly.

As the song goes, birds do it and bees do it; and humans too have been doing it since the dawn of time.

But just how much has the act really changed through the millennia and even in past decades? Are humans doing it more? Or better?

Well, sort of. But it’s how people tell the truth about their sex lives that has changed the most over the years.

Humans have basically been the same anatomically for about 100,000 years—so what is safe to say is that if we enjoy it now, then so did our cave-dwelling ancestors and everyone else since.

zbirdsbeesbmp-1“Just as our bodies tell us what we might like to eat, or when we should go to sleep, they lay down for us our pattern of lust,” says University of Toronto psychologist Edward Shorter. “Sex has always offered pleasure.”

Sexuality has a lot to do with our biological framework, agreed Joann Rodgers, director of media relations and lecturer at Johns Hopkins Medical Institutions.

“People and indeed all animals are hard wired to seek out sex and to continue to do so,” Rodgers said.

It is nearly impossible to tell, however, whether people enjoyed sex more 50 years ago or 50,000 years ago, said David Buss, professor of psychology at the University of Texas and author of “The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating.”

There is “no reason to think that we do more now than in the past, although we are certainly more frank about it,” Buss says.

lust we trustIndeed, cultural restraints—rather than anything anatomical—have had the biggest effect on our sexual history, Shorter says.

“To be sure, what people actually experience is always a mixture of biological and social conditioning: Desire surges from the body, the mind interprets what society will accept and what not, and the rest of the signals are edited out by culture,” he writes in his book, “Written in the Flesh: A History of Desire.”

That’s not to say that cultural norms keep people from exploring the taboo, but only what is admitted to openly, according to archaeologist Timothy Taylor of Great Britain’s University of Bradford.

“The idea that there is a sexual line that must not be crossed but in practice often is, is far older than the story of Eve’s temptation by the serpent,” he writes in “The History of Sex: Four Million Years of Human Sexual Culture.”

atheist-sexReligion especially has held powerful sway over the mind’s attitude towards the body’s carnal desires, most sexual psychologists agree. Men and women who lived during the pious Middle Ages were certainly affected by the fear of sin, Shorter said, though he notes there were other inhibiting factors to consider, too.

“The low priority attached to sexual pleasure by people who lived in distant times is inexplicable unless one considers the hindrances that existed in those days,” Shorter writes. He points especially to the 1,000 years of misery and disease—often accompanied by some very un-sexy smells and itching—that led up to the Industrial Revolution. “After the mid-nineteenth century, these hindrances start to be removed, and the great surge towards pleasure begins.”

Many historians and psychologists see the late 1800s as a kind of watershed period for sexuality in the Western world. With the industrial revolution pushing more and more people together—literally—in dense, culturally-mixed neighborhoods, attitudes towards sex became more liberal.


The birth control pill

The liberalization of sexuality kicked into high gear by the 1960s with the advent of the birth control pill, letting women get in on the fun and act on the basis of desire as men always had, according to Shorter.

“The 1960s vastly accelerated this unhesitant willingness to grab sex for the sheer sake of physical pleasure,” he said, noting that the trend of openly seeking out sex just because it feels good, rather than for procreation alone, has continued on unabated into the new millennium.

But despite the modern tendency towards sexual freedom, even today there are vast differences in attitudes across the world, experts say.

“Cultures vary tremendously in how early they start having sex, how open they are about it, and how many sexual partners they have,” said Buss, noting that Swedes generally have many partners in their lifetime and the Chinese typically have few.


In eastern religions, sex is a sacred art that can lead a person to higher consciousness

An informal 2005 global sex survey sponsored by the condom company Durex confirmed Buss’ views. Just 3 percent of Americans polled called their sex lives “monotonous,” compared to a sizable 26 percent of Indian respondents. While 53 percent of Norwegians wanted more sex than they were having (a respectable 98 times per year, on average), 81 percent of the Portuguese were quite happy with their national quota of 108 times per year.

Though poll numbers and surveys offer an interesting window into the sex lives of strangers, they’re still constrained by the unwillingness of people to open up about a part of their lives that’s usually kept behind closed doors.

And what if we weren’t bound by such social limitations? Taylor offers the promiscuous—and very laid-back—bonobo chimpanzee as a utopian example.

“Bonobos have sex most of the time … a fairly quick, perfunctory, and relaxed activity that functions as a social cement,” he writes. “But for cultural constraints, we would all behave more like bonobos. In physical terms, there is actually nothing that bonobos do that some humans do not sometimes do.”

Does Getting Married Mean the End of Sex?

February 24, 2010 by  
Filed under Relationships, Sex

sex marriageDuring this series on Relationships, Love and Sex, I’ve talked about relationships and love, and even marriage, but I have yet to talk about the third part of this triangle, sex.

Today, and for the rest of this series, that’s the subject I’ll be discussing.

Sex is an important part of any discussion on relationships and love, because it is when we have the closest and most intimate of all encounters, the experience of sex, that we are fully tested as to who we truly are.

To live your life to your fullest potential, you have to be fully human, and sex can be one of the greatest teachers in that regard. There literally and figuratively is nowhere to hide during sex – you are there, warts and all.

sex-starved-marriage-2And as I said before, the more healthy and happy a person is, and the more of a Low Density Lifestyle they lead, the better will their sex life be.

So today I begin the discussion of sex with a perfect segue from the previous article on a brief history of marriage.

Today, in the above video, you’ll hear from David Schnarch, Ph.D., about whether marriage kills sex. You may consider what he says to be most provocative.

Dr. Schnarch is co-director of the Marriage & Family Health Center. He is a licensed clinical psychologist, world-renown sex and marital therapist, and international best-selling author. For seventeen years he was an Associate Professor in the Depts. of Psychiatry and Urology at Louisiana State University Medical School.

The Physics of Relationships

February 23, 2010 by  
Filed under Love, Relationships

skeletonloversjpgI continue on today with this series on Relationships, Love and Sex with an essay and poems guest written by Susan Jefts.

Susan has written a few articles and poems for the Low Density Lifestyle website. Her most recent article was Go to Where Your Spirit is Invited to Open Up.

Susan is a poet who lives in Saratoga Springs, NY. She runs writing groups in therapeutic and community settings using poetry as a tool for exploring life issues and healing.

Susan Jefts

Susan Jefts

Susan teaches writing and advises students for Empire State College and has had her poetry published in several journals and books regionally and throughout the country, including Big City Lit, Parnassus Literary Journal, The Hudson River Anthology and Metroland, among others.

Her website is www.saratogapoetryroom.com.

Talking Physics With Friends on a Winter Evening
We talked at the pub tonight about quantum physics. How,
in the nonlocal realm of pure potential everything is happening
at once and we can choose what we wish to experience now.
It’s true, I’ve seen it happen. Only I wish I could make it happen
more, like if you were to tell me what you were really thinking,
I would choose that, or maybe I could choose to know what
what you’re thinking. And while I’m at it, I would fast forward –
no, I would choose to hear our next conversation right now,
or yesterday. This is how it works in the quantum world,
and I believe it in my other mind, and really in this one too.
I just need to become more conscious, focus my attention,
increase my capacity for perception so I can step into one of
those other dimensions, lean down into your room, listen
to the way you think and see the way you feel. Then I would
know what I think of you and if I want you to kiss me
and if you want to kiss me or dance around me like a stray
electron for the rest of our earthly lives. Which brings to mind
the question of anticipation and the difference between
that state and the state of occurring. Are they one in the same?
If so, why do they feel so different? This now is different
than that now. Kiss me now and I’ll prove it.

heart image for Relationship articleAlmost

when the evening is slow and tight
like a long jazz riff, all possible lives
and outcomes dance in a jar of night
where the saxophone relaxes
and the swish of a drum
and low hum of a voice
are the only things still going.
A hush
that won’t quit, an almost
seduction, almost enough
to close the stretch of miles,
the long stretch of miles,
between the places
where two people live.

The Poetics of Relationship

larger chaos & order 2Lately, when I think about relationships I think of complexity. If there is anything I’ve learned about relationships it is that they are not meant to be completely understood at an intellectual level, but that their complexity can be embraced at a soul level.

When I was younger I preferred, like a lot us I suppose, to keep things simple or at least pretend they were. I hadn’t learned how to respond to, or perhaps even recognize, complexity as the opportunity it was. I hadn’t yet learned that it was part of the whole idea and that the contradictory, paradoxical aspect of people and relationships are what makes them interesting, albeit challenging, and if embraced can lead to the greatest intimacy.

I can say I’ve grown closer over the years to accepting and even loving complexity in relationships, be they friendships, sexual relationships, work related, or familial ones. I can’t say it’s always fun; it takes courage to, first of all, face how you are really feeling and then share this with someone in a way they can hear. Then if you are lucky you start to break down the artifices of your protective outer layers to reach each other’s hearts. You don’t always know if the other person wants the same challenge, but I think it’s worth trying. The alternative is often a half hearted, half conscious facsimile of a relationship.

new love & music imageAt a writers conference a couple summers ago in Vermont, I was blessed to have a poetry teacher whose background was both physics and poetry. He was adept at weaving together ideas from both fields, as well as Japanese pottery, Navaho rug weaving, and many other areas. He told us that ‘plex’ from complexity, as in complexity theory, means to braid. He liked to apply this idea to poetry, where there is often a weaving together of two narratives.

These narratives, with their metaphors and imagery, often seem oddly juxtaposed or even contradictory like the layers of a person’s psyche or the intricate strands of a rela-tionship. You don’t always know where things are going, but you go anyway. The author Thomas Moore writes in his book, Soul Mates, that relationships, especially deep love relationships, are “an evocation of one of life’s greatest mysteries, the weaving together of many different strands of soul.”

The process of weaving together seemingly unrelated ideas and metaphors does not always make rational sense and can feel disconcerting, but it usually leads to a much richer poem, or relationship. As its images are woven together, they become something else altogether. The words take you to a deeper and more resonant place.

Some poems, like some relationships, go a step further and make unexpected leaps. They tap into what the poet Li Young Lee calls universe mind, or the hum beneath, and travel through time and space to a place that encompasses what came before but at the same time moves beyond it. If we can accept the more mysterious aspects of a person or a relationship, the ones that cannot be explained or even understood, we just might get somewhere amazing.

People, like poems, are full of paradox and uncertainty. This doesn’t mean we should accept frequent erratic or immature behavior, especially if it is dishonoring. We have a tendency, though, to wish that relationships were simple and predictable. And at times, thankfully, they can be. At least for a while. But if we can embrace the uncertainty factor, and know that no dynamic system stays the same for long, we will gain much that we wouldn’t otherwise. A well crafted poem becomes a container that can hold and make meaning, even beauty, of paradox. A well crafted, loving and soulful relationship can do the same thing.

Strangers at a Wedding

February 19, 2010 by  
Filed under Love, Relationships

i-has-a-marriageIn yesterday’s article, I talked about the institution of marriage and gave a brief history of marriage.

That article was a follow-up to the video with Elizabeth Gilbert talking about relationships, love and sex. In her discussion, she also talked about the institution of marriage.

In the article on a brief history of marriage, I mentioned how marriages were once all about money, power and survival, but over the ages marriage have predominantly been about love. Yet, at the same time, divorce rates are much higher than they were in the days when people married for reasons other than love.

Today is an interesting story, about a couple who married almost 12 years ago. They were strangers when they met, and yet 12 years later, are extremely happy.

This is not the story of an arranged marriage. Both these people are Americans, where arranged marriages just don’t happen.

Well, I take that back. Maybe this was sort of an arranged marriage. It was arranged by the groom’s friends at a shopping mall, and the bride and groom met each other briefly before they got married.

Let me tell you more about this.

David and Elizabeth Weinlick

David and Elizabeth Weinlick

In 1998, David Weinlick was a 28-year-old graduate student in Minneapolis when he decided that on June 13, 1998 he was going to be married. The only thing is that he didn’t have anyone to marry. But he had determined that he would get married on that day.

So his friends, feeling sorry for him, banded together and decided they would find a bride for him on June 13, 1998.

They set up shop on that day in a mall in Minneapolis and started handing out questionnaires, and more than 300 women applied. The friends had a selection committee, and then whittled down the applicants to 36.

By 3pm that day they had narrowed the choice down to three, and an hour later they had chosen their candidate, a 28-year-old nurse named Elizabeth.

Right after that, David and Elizabeth said their first formal hellos, and an hour later they were saying “I do” at a mall ceremony.

The reception, a barbecue at a friend’s house, followed right after.

Crazy, right? Bizarre, yes? No doubt. And I’m sure you figure they ended their gimmick wedding after they came to their senses a day or two later.

But no. Almost 12 years later, and with four kids – ranging in ages from 7 to under a year – David and Elizabeth Weinlick, both now 39, are still married and madly in love.

“We live a charmed existence. He’s a splendid man to be married to,” says Elizabeth. “We’ve never regretted it. It sounds like a crazy thing to do but there was instant chemistry – and we did our dating after we married.”

And David says, “It will show everyone who thought our wedding was just a publicity stunt we fell in love for real.”

And so, even though we’ve seen that the history of marriage is that people now marry for love – and divorce just as readily – this couple didn’t marry for love. But they connected, bonded and worked it out, after the fact.


Terri Carlson

On a similar note, a woman named Terri Carlson has made a public proclamation that she is willing to marry for health insurance.

She is 45 years old with a genetic immune disorder called C-4 complement deficiency. Her Cobra insurance terminates at the end of the year, and insurance companies right and left are denying her coverage because of her pre-existing condition.

So she’s willing to get married if it means getting insured. She writes on her website:

“It is not easy living with my disease and now that I have the genetic answer for my health issues, every insurance company uses the information to deny me insurance coverage. You know, I am not happy I was [dealt] this deck of cards in my life. However, if I don’t fight for myself nobody will. While the [government] fights over healthcare reform people like me suffer. I will continue on this crusade for healthcare reform.

“And yes, as drastic as it sounds, I will marry for health insurance!!!”

Terri is quite serious, so if you’re interested, check out her website at WillMarryforHealthInsurance.com

And perhaps, for the person who marries her, the marriage will go as well as the marriage of the Weinlicks. Of course, Terri’s story is a sad reflection on the current state of health care and insurance in the U.S.

No person should have to resort to what Terri’s having to do, but this is the sad state of affairs in this country. This is best left for another discussion, and I promise you that I will in the future run a series on health care reform.

A Brief History of Marriage

February 18, 2010 by  
Filed under Love, Relationships

In yesterday’s article, Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love, spoke on Love, Relationships, and Sex, and among other things, discussed what the institution of marriage is.

So today, I thought I would take a look at what marriage is – and isn’t – by offering a brief history of marriage through the ages.

Along with the article is the above video, which spoofs the Indian tradition of arranged marriages.

As Elizabeth Gilbert pointed out in yesterday’s interview, Elizabeth Gilbert Tells Us What Love Is, marrying for love is a recent addition to the annals of marriage. At one time, people married for money, power or survival.

In medieval Europe, everyone from the lord of the manor to the village locals had a say in deciding who should wed. Love was considered an absurdly flimsy reason for a match. Even during the Enlightenment and Victorian eras, adultery and friendship were often more passionate than marriage. These days, we marry for love—and are rewarded with a blistering divorce rate.

Let’s now look at marriage through the ages.

brideI. Antiquity-Renaissance

What’s love got to do with it? In early history, politics and money trumped emotions.

* Ancient Greece: Love is a many-splendored (manly) thing. Love is honored—especially between men. In marriage, inheritance is more important than feelings: A woman whose father dies without male heirs can be forced to marry her nearest male relative—even if she has to divorce her husband first.
* Rome: Wife-swapping as a career move—Statesman Marcus Porcius Cato divorces his wife and marries her off to his ally Hortensius in order to strengthen family bonds; after Hortensius dies, Cato remarries her.
* 6th-century Europe: Political polygamy—The Germanic warlord Clothar, despite being a baptized Christian, eventually acquires four wives for strategic reasons, including his dead brother’s wife, her sister and the daughter of a captured foreign king.
* 12th-century Europe: Marriage is good for loving…someone else—Upper-class marriages are often arranged before the couple has met. Aristocrats believe love is incompatible with marriage and can flourish only in adultery.
* 14th-century Europe: It takes a village—Ordinary people can’t choose whom to marry either. The lord of one Black Forest manor decrees in 1344 that all his unmarried tenants—including widows and widowers—marry spouses of his choosing. Elsewhere, peasants wishing to pick a partner must pay a fee.
* 16th-century Europe: Love’s a bore—Any man in love with his wife must be so dull that no one else could love him, writes the French essayist Montaigne.

for-better-or-worseII. 1600s-Victorian Era

It’s a family affair: Married love gains currency, but for intimacy and passion, people still turn to family, lovers and friends.

*1690s U.S.: Virginia wasn’t always for lovers—Passionate love between husband and wife is considered unseemly: One Virginia colonist describes a woman he knows as “more fond of her husband perhaps than the politeness of the day allows.” Protestant ministers warn spouses against loving each other too much, or using endearing nicknames that will undermine husbandly authority.
* 18th-century Europe: Love gains ground—In England and in the salons of Enlightenment thinkers, married love is gaining credibility. Ladies’ debating societies declare that while loveless marriages are regrettable, women must consider money when choosing a partner.
* 1840, England: Virgin lace—Queen Victoria starts a trend by wearing virginal white, instead of the traditional jeweled wedding gown. Historically thought of as the lustier sex, women are now considered chaste and pure. As a result, many men find it easier to have sex with prostitutes than with their virtuous wives.
* Mid 19th-century U.S.: Honeymoon suite for three—Honeymoons replace the older custom of “bridal tours,” in which the newly married couple travel after the wedding to visit family who could not attend the ceremony. Even so, many brides bring girlfriends with them on their honeymoons.

marriageIII. 20th Century-Today

We worship the couple. Intimacy shrinks to encompass just two, and love becomes the only reason for marriage.

* 1920s U.S.: How Saturday night began—Dating is the new craze—in restaurants and cars, away from the oversight of family. Popular culture embraces sex, but critics fear that marriage is on the rocks.
* 1950s U.S.: Marriage is mandatory—Marriage becomes almost universal, and the nuclear family is triumphant: Four out of five people surveyed in 1957 believe that preferring to remain single is “sick,” “neurotic” or “immoral.”
marriagephoto* 1970s U.S.: All you need is love?—Self-sufficient women and changing social rules mean marriage is no longer obligatory. Quarreling couples split up rather than make do, and the divorce rate skyrockets.
* Today: Bride pride—Marriage is the ultimate expression of love, leading gays and lesbians to seek the right to marry, but also encouraging couples to cohabit until they’re sure about their “soul mate.” Marriage rates fall—but the fantasy of the perfect wedding is ubiquitous.

This information comes from Marriage, a History: From Obedience to Intimacy, or How Love Conquered Marriage, by Stephanie Coontz.

Elizabeth Gilbert Tells Us What Love Is

February 17, 2010 by  
Filed under Love, Relationships

Yesterday we heard from Eliot Spitzer on what he believed love to be.

Today we hear from Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of the megaseller, Eat, Pray, Love.

SUN0225E GILBERT 01.jpg

Elizabeth Gilbert

Eat, Pray, Love, was Elizabeth Gilbert’s memoir of the year she spent traveling after a painful divorce. Called “wise, jaunty, human, ethereal, heartbreaking,” the book has been a worldwide success, and has been published in over thirty languages with over 7 million copies in print.

In this interview, Elizabeth Gilbert shares her thoughts on a variety of topics related to love, relationships and sex, including:
***Is it possible to balance friendship with romance?
***What’s the difference between love and healthy love?
***Does marriage kill love?
***What is this institution called marriage?
***What do partners want from each other in a relationship?
***The role of expectations in a relationship

Eliot Spitzer Tells Us What Love Is

February 16, 2010 by  
Filed under Love, Relationships

Eliot Spitzer was once a bright and shining star in politics. He was the attorney general of New York state, and then became governor, winning his post in a landslide.

As attorney general, he took on the banks and Wall Street, and brought attention to their wrongdoings.

As governor, he promised more of the same, to stand up for justice and to fight injustice in all areas.

eliot_spitzerBut then, a little over a year after being elected governor, he was forced out of office when implicated in a sex scandal.

He could have fought it, he could have taken the stance that although he embarrassed himself and his family, and brought his personal life into the spotlight, nobody was hurt nor was anybody wronged.

But instead, he took the stance that no one is above the law, and that his flaws went against his moral stance that principles and integrity were what mattered.

And so, to the rejoice of the banks and the Wall Street firms he went after, Eliot Spitzer left office in disgrace. And many lined up to shovel dirt on his coffin.

But Spitzer is raising his profile once again, speaking out on many issues.

And one of the issues he speaks out about, as you can see in the above video, is love and redemption.

Redemption is something Elliot Spitzer surely knows about.

He also has some good things to say about love, although I would add that Eliot Spitzer proves, as I said in the article I wrote last week, Relationships, Love and Sex, Part 1, that love is a messy and complicated affair, and that even the experts aren’t expert when it comes to matters of the heart.

And that’s all because, as I pointed out in the last article, the heart has its reasons that reason does not know.

The Heart Has Its Reasons That Reason Does Not Know

February 12, 2010 by  
Filed under Love, Relationships

I thought with the upcoming Valentine’s Day holiday, the most appropriate topic to be writing about would be on Relationships, Love and Sex.

And so, I gave you two articles over the last two days, Relationships, Love and Sex, Part 1; and Part 2, that delved into this most complicated of pastimes.

For matters of the heart are not easily explained, because it is not logic that dictates its whereabouts. The heart has a mind all its own.

It was the French Enlightenment philosopher Blaine Pascal who said, “Le cœur a ses raisons que la raison ne connaît point,” which translates to, “The heart has its reasons that reason does not know.”


In Chinese medicine it is said that, “The shen (the spirit) resides in the heart.” The Chinese also have another way of putting this, saying, “The mind resides in the heart.”

The heart has its own way, a way that doesn’t always gibe with our logical thinking capacity. When the heart opens up, it can be a very strong emotion, one so powerful it can sweep you off your feet and leave you feeling euphoric.

So although matters of the heart can be complicated, for Valentine’s Day, which is just around the bend, I suggest that you try and simplify what the heart feels and allow it to succumb to its base desire: Love.

And with that in mind, I offer you the above video at the top of the page, Love, written and sung by John Lennon, and the below video which I put together, entitled The Art of Love.

As you watch the videos, think of someone you love, and hold them in your heart. Don’t analyze it, just feel it – and remember, The heart has its reasons that reason does not know.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Relationships, Love and Sex, Part 2

February 11, 2010 by  
Filed under Love, Relationships

In yesterday’s article, Relationships, Love and Sex, Part 1, I began to dissect this crazy little thing called love.

I said how these are complicated topics, full of pitfalls and entanglements, mishaps and risks, and also much bliss and happiness.

I love you - in sign language

I love you - in sign language

I also said how it’s the arena in which we can become most vulnerable, in which our deepest intimacies can become known; it can also be the arena in which our buttons are pushed to the max.

So let’s delve deeper into it. I’ll also explain why I believe that people who live a Low Density Lifestyle have a better chance of entering into lasting relationships and having better sex.

We are all social animals, and everyone desires to have a social network of friends, family, loved ones and significant other that you desire to spend time together with.

Strong relationships are a vital component of a healthy and happy life, while negative relationships can impact health and happiness in a detrimental manner.

numerology9When you are living a Low Density Lifestyle, you are naturally attracted to other people who are also living a Low Density Lifestyle, and it is these people who will make up your most intimate social network. If you feel centered, balanced and in the flow, you won’t readily enjoy the company of people who live a completely opposite lifestyle, as it will just be too jarring to your soul.

Interestingly though, people who live a High Density Lifestyle will be naturally attracted to those who live a Low Density Lifestyle, because the calmness and peacefulness of someone living a Low Density Lifestyle is something that can help to balance and center someone living a High Density Lifestyle.

It can actually be a profoundly transformative experience if someone living a High Density Lifestyle allows themselves to open up to the energies and calming influence of someone living a Low Density Lifestyle. So this is truly one case of opposites attracting!

But the tricky thing is that for those living a Low Density Lifestyle, the desire is to have happy and harmonious relationships, and they will go out of their way to find them and to reject relationships that create unhappiness and disharmony.

So it’s not impossible for people on opposite ends of the spectrum to come together—after all, the chemical bond of love transcends all boundaries and overcomes all limitations—it’s just that if you want to have a sustaining and lasting relationship, there needs to be a bonding of two souls, one in which each person can gaze into the other’s eyes and see the reflection of the deep and infinite waters of the Zero-Point Field, which is the origins of universal love and consciousness.

china20holding20hands20for20portfolio1Communication is a big part of a relationship, and failure to communicate is a major reason for breakups. To be able to communicate, each party in a relationship needs to feel loved and safe. Each person in the relationship also has to let go of expectations and not judge or criticize the other, but instead help them to feel comfortable being able to communicate.

Communicating your deepest and most intimate thoughts and feelings is not easy, but if you feel safe and loved, and feel that what you say won’t be held against you, then it is easier to speak from your heart. This happens easiest when both people in the relationship are living a Low Density Lifestyle.

If one or both people in the relationship are living a High Density Lifestyle, then it’s a lot harder, because there’s no feeling of safety in expressing intimate thoughts. These are the relationships that are doomed to fail.

Another important part of a strong and lasting relationship is the sex life. Because those living a Low Density Lifestyle are healthier and more balanced, less stressed and more in the flow, they have the capability of having a strong sex drive and having better sex.

They understand that sexual desire is a natural biological urge, as opposed to a feeling that one should be ashamed of or should repress. They know that sex, and orgasm, make both parties feel good and is a vital part of making love. In addition, sex allows for intimacy and expressions of love, and these are things cherished by those living a Low Density Lifestyle.

intimacy-sex-couple2For many people living a High Density Lifestyle, the only time when they’re able to relax and feel comfortable having sex is when they imbibe in alcohol or recreational drugs, because these allow them to relax their inhibitions and feel less stressed.

Although sex can be very enjoyable when performed in an altered state, an important part of the sexual experience is the feeling of intimacy that one person has with another, because in that state of intimacy, a strong bond is formed between both people and the flow of love, happiness and joy circulates and is expressed between them.

When a person is having sex in an altered state, the flow is impeded. But unfortunately, for many people living a High Density Lifestyle, having sex while in an altered state is the only way they can get full enjoyment of the act of making love.

Another great aspect of sex is that it increases your chances to be healthier and happier. People who have a regular sex life have been found to have a decreased risk of heart disease and stroke, a decrease in pain in the body, and an increase in life span.

These are enormous motives for having a healthy sex life, but the reality is that in order to have a healthy and happy sex life, it is best that both people involved live a Low Density Lifestyle.

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